Me Too

In the last few years the news about sexual harassment/abuse/assualt has been highlighted in the press. Public figures, movie stars, executives, Presidents, Congressmen have all been accused of acts of sexual aggression. This isn’t new in our society, but what is new is the number of women who’ve felt empowered to come forward. Often times when these accusations come out, there are naysayers who like to claim the accusers are making their stories up for money or notoriety.

The Me Too movement allowed women to come forward where they never felt comfortable before because they finally knew they weren’t alone. They didn’t come forward before for fear of not being believed, losing their jobs, being called a slut was suddenly lessoned to the point they felt their story would be corroberated or enough women would speak out that they wouldn’t feel like it only happened to them.

It happened to me. I was a child and fearful. At first I thought I dreamed it because it happened in the middle of the night and I was awakened in my sleep. It wasn’t long before it happened again and it continued for 6 long years. I lived with a predator. I said something once in 6th grade in the locker room after gym class. My classmates said I was a liar. I knew then that I wouldn’t be believed, so I kept quiet. I also kept quiet because I was afraid to lose my family and I was trying to protect the one person that would have died to protect me. I never let her know because I knew it would destroy her. Then when I was 16, an anonymous letter came to the house with an accusation of sexual abuse. I was still afraid, so I chose to lie. I chose to live in silence. I chose wrong. But here’s the rub. The people who wrote the anonymous letter were neighbors who another victim told, but it wasn’t to protect us. It was because our abuser was a political enemy they were trying to get back at. I often wondered if their conscience let them live with that.

I remember when Oprah came out with her story about her sexual abuse. I was talking with my grandmother about it and she said Oprah was lying because that kind of thing didn’t happen. I wanted to scream over the phone “It happened to me!”, but I didn’t. I was in protective mode.

I spent most of my adult life in counseling in large part due to the abuse I suffered as a young girl. I lived sexual abuse in my adulthood too. My second husband was twisted. I still, after so many years, didn’t know how to say no. It wasn’t consensual many times. Like when I was a young girl, it was in the middle of the night…awakened by another twisted man violating me. How can that be you ask, he was my husband after all. Just because he’s your husband, doesn’t give him the right to penetrate you while you’re sleeping. That’s not sexy, it’s a form of rape. He also hit me and spit on me. Not my proudest moments by far, but if sharing my story helps another woman heal, then it’s not for naught.

For so much of my life I allowed others to dominate, violate or silence my voice. Some of you who’ve known me in my professional life may not imagine I would ever let anyone silence or dominate me. Where we feel out of control in one area of our life, we over compensate for in others. I over compensated at work. I was over assertive in ways and I didn’t realize the connection. I’ve mellowed considerably now, but I digress.

Today is International Women’s day. Today I want to celebrate women in general, but especially women who’ve been sexually violated, sexually harassed, silenced, or diminished in any way. We are powerful, we are bold, and we are amazing. We need to use our voice as our power. Let’s show up for every girl who feels like she can’t speak up.

We are strong, we are smart, we are beautiful, we are important!