In the last few years the news about sexual harassment/abuse/assualt has been highlighted in the press. Public figures, movie stars, executives, Presidents, Congressmen have all been accused of acts of sexual aggression. This isn’t new in our society, but what is new is the number of women who’ve felt empowered to come forward. Often times when these accusations come out, there are naysayers who like to claim the accusers are making their stories up for money or notoriety.

The Me Too movement allowed women to come forward where they never felt comfortable before because they finally knew they weren’t alone. They didn’t come forward before for fear of not being believed, losing their jobs, being called a slut was suddenly lessoned to the point they felt their story would be corroberated or enough women would speak out that they wouldn’t feel like it only happened to them.

It happened to me. I was a child and fearful. At first I thought I dreamed it because it happened in the middle of the night and I was awakened in my sleep. It wasn’t long before it happened again and it continued for 6 long years. I lived with a predator. I said something once in 6th grade in the locker room after gym class. My classmates said I was a liar. I knew then that I wouldn’t be believed, so I kept quiet. I also kept quiet because I was afraid to lose my family and I was trying to protect the one person that would have died to protect me. I never let her know because I knew it would destroy her. Then when I was 16, an anonymous letter came to the house with an accusation of sexual abuse. I was still afraid, so I chose to lie. I chose to live in silence. I chose wrong. But here’s the rub. The people who wrote the anonymous letter were neighbors who another victim told, but it wasn’t to protect us. It was because our abuser was a political enemy they were trying to get back at. I often wondered if their conscience let them live with that.

I remember when Oprah came out with her story about her sexual abuse. I was talking with my grandmother about it and she said Oprah was lying because that kind of thing didn’t happen. I wanted to scream over the phone “It happened to me!”, but I didn’t. I was in protective mode.

I spent most of my adult life in counseling in large part due to the abuse I suffered as a young girl. I lived sexual abuse in my adulthood too. My second husband was twisted. I still, after so many years, didn’t know how to say no. It wasn’t consensual many times. Like when I was a young girl, it was in the middle of the night…awakened by another twisted man violating me. How can that be you ask, he was my husband after all. Just because he’s your husband, doesn’t give him the right to penetrate you while you’re sleeping. That’s not sexy, it’s a form of rape. He also hit me and spit on me. Not my proudest moments by far, but if sharing my story helps another woman heal, then it’s not for naught.

For so much of my life I allowed others to dominate, violate or silence my voice. Some of you who’ve known me in my professional life may not imagine I would ever let anyone silence or dominate me. Where we feel out of control in one area of our life, we over compensate for in others. I over compensated at work. I was over assertive in ways and I didn’t realize the connection. I’ve mellowed considerably now, but I digress.

Today is International Women’s day. Today I want to celebrate women in general, but especially women who’ve been sexually violated, sexually harassed, silenced, or diminished in any way. We are powerful, we are bold, and we are amazing. We need to use our voice as our power. Let’s show up for every girl who feels like she can’t speak up.

We are strong, we are smart, we are beautiful, we are important!

Hello my friends, it’s been a while…..4 years if memory serves. You could say I’ve had what writers call a little block on the belfry. During that time, I have been becoming. Becoming a woman who owns her shit, becoming a sovereign being, becoming an empty nester, becoming someone who loves herself and enjoys her own company. It’s been a journey!

I spent the better part of 54 years self loathing. You should have heard the way I talked to myself. Let me tell you, if any of my friends spoke to me the way I spoke to myself, I would have slammed and locked the door on the friendship. I used to say that nobody had to criticize me or shame me because I was the queen of kicking my own ass. Can anyone relate? I cannot count the number of times I laid awake in bed running scenarios that occurred decades earlier over and over in my head telling myself how stupid I was, what an asshole I am, what a fill in the blank I was. Self deprecation was my super power.

I didn’t like myself and it showed. It showed in the men I chose. Men who were emotionally unavailable, even though we were married. Men who were verbally and emotionally abusive. Men who didn’t really like themselves, even though they created a perfect persona for themselves. It showed in my posture, the aversion to eye contact with another, the way I couldn’t laugh at myself and then it happened. After another short-term failed relationship, I stopped asking what’s wrong with these men and instead asked myself what was it about me that caused me to have one fly by night short term relationship after another.

It took a deep dive inward, (at this point I didn’t know just how much I didn’t like myself and how unworthy I felt), to self discovery. It wasn’t pretty. It hurt. It really hurt. I endured more than one dark night of the soul. I had to learn a whole new self-talk. I had to learn techniques to change the conversation when the self deprecation would start on autopilot. Just like any other habit, it took time and effort to break that thought pattern. Countless affirmations of worthiness were recited, uncomfortable moments looking in the mirror and telling myself I’m beautiful and saying I love you to my reflection. It didn’t come overnight, but it did come.

When we are trying to get healthy or lose weight, we watch what we feed our bodies, but how many of us watch what we feed our minds? It’s often an overlooked, forgotten step on our journey to wellness, but critical nonetheless. Total wellness is a mind, body and soul journey. You can have a healthy body, but if your mind and soul are hurting you aren’t healthy.

I used to think I needed someone to complete me; that I wasn’t whole if I didn’t have a counterpart in my life. If I just had love, I would be happy. The love that was missing in my life was love of self. I had to learn that I and I alone was responsible for my own happiness. I had to fill my own love tank. Know what? That love, once I learned it, was the most satisfying love I ever felt. Don’t get me wrong, the love my mother, children, family and friends have for me is incredible; I never want to live without it. However, the love of self allows me to believe I am loveable and that my friends, is life changing!

Am I a finished product? Hell no, there’s much work to be done and always something new to learn about myself, but I am becoming and that is beautiful.

Until next time friends. Remember, always be good to yourself, you’re the only you you’ve got.

Hello my friends, it’s been a while…..4 years if memory serves. You could say I’ve had what writers call a little block on the belfry. During that time, I have been becoming. Becoming a woman who owns her shit, becoming a sovereign being, becoming an empty nester, becoming someone who loves herself and enjoys her own company. It’s been a journey!

I spent the better part of 54 years self loathing. You should have heard the way I talked to myself. Let me tell you, if any of my friends spoke to me the way I spoke to myself, I would have slammed and locked the door on the friendship. I used to say that nobody had to criticize me or shame me because I was the queen of kicking my own ass. Can anyone relate? I cannot count the number of times I laid awake in bed running scenarios that occurred decades earlier over and over in my head telling myself how stupid I was, what an asshole I am, what a fill in the blank I was. Self deprecation was my super power.

I didn’t like myself and it showed. It showed in the men I chose. Men who were emotionally unavailable, even though we were married. Men who were verbally and emotionally abusive. Men who didn’t really like themselves, even though they created a perfect persona for themselves. It showed in my posture, the aversion to eye contact with another, the way I couldn’t laugh at myself and then it happened. After another short-term failed relationship, I stopped asking what’s wrong with these men and instead asked myself what was it about me that caused me to have one fly by night short term relationship after another.

It took a deep dive inward, (at this point I didn’t know just how much I didn’t like myself and how unworthy I felt), to self discovery. It wasn’t pretty. It hurt. It really hurt. I endured more than one dark night of the soul. I had to learn a whole new self-talk. I had to learn techniques to change the conversation when the self deprecation would start on autopilot. Just like any other habit, it took time and effort to break that thought pattern. Countless affirmations of worthiness were recited, uncomfortable moments looking in the mirror and telling myself I’m beautiful and saying I love you to my reflection. It didn’t come overnight, but it did come.

When we are trying to get healthy or lose weight, we watch what we feed our bodies, but how many of us watch what we feed our minds? It’s often an overlooked, forgotten step on our journey to wellness, but critical nonetheless. Total wellness is a mind, body and soul journey. You can have a healthy body, but if your mind and soul are hurting you aren’t healthy.

I used to think I needed someone to complete me; that I wasn’t whole if I didn’t have a counterpart in my life. If I just had love, I would be happy. The love that was missing in my life was love of self. I had to learn that I and I alone was responsible for my own happiness. I had to fill my own love tank. Know what? That love, once I learned it, was the most satisfying love I ever felt. Don’t get me wrong, the love my mother, children, family and friends have for me is incredible; I never want to live without it. However, the love of self allows me to believe I am loveable and that my friends, is life changing!

Am I a finished product? Hell no, there’s much work to be done and always something new to learn about myself, but I am becoming and that is beautiful.

Until next time friends. Remember, always be good to yourself, you’re the only you you’ve got.

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.